Children are a blessing, a gift from God. We plan to have them one day, on purpose, if God so chooses it to be the case.

Posted on by
5

Alex

So the other day I overheard a girl say, “I’m so glad that I made it to 21 without getting pregnant.” WTF! That mindset is distorted.

Having the ability to choose when the time is right to have children is truly a blessing. For us, not having kids at this particular time in our life is a joy. Not saying that when we have kids that that won’t be joyous either, because it will. But when you are trying to establish yourself in the business world, kids can sometimes prevent that from happening.

Vicariously, I’ve learned that sacrifices and children go hand and hand, especially when it comes to unplanned children. Luckily we are not in the boat of having to do something because of the need for money to raise a child. We are in the boat of being able to set up ourselves for financial security before expanding our family.

Now I’ve had friends say they’re glad they’ve had kids in their twenties. This way it’s out of their way and they can enjoy their retirement when time comes. That makes me laugh. First off, glad to get kids out of the way, really? You act like having kids is a chore and its something you have to do before getting an allowance. If you consider kids a chore then you are not mentally fit to be a parent. And thinking about your retirement in your twenties is insane. What about enjoying early adulthood and middle age? Personally, I think people in their twenties are too young to have kids. For me, I know I wasn’t mature enough to be a parent in my twenties. I’m barely mature enough now. But hey, I’m more mentally ready now, if there is even such a thing as being mentally ready to be a parent.

My advice to all of you young folks out there is to be ultra safe. Being childless in your twenties is a lot more fun then being a parent in your twenties. My friends flat out told me the lived vicariously through me, so for them, I made sure to party it up. I lived life to the fullest in my twenties and have stories that will back it up. Now, in my mid-thirties, I look forward to having children and I don’t feel like I missed out on anything.

Ahesha

I think that we are so blessed and fortunate to be able to enjoy our lives and our marriage, at this point in our lives. I find it so annoying when friends and family members comment on the fact that we choose not to have children at the moment, especially people whom we have watched struggle with children in their own lives. Number one, our lives and the lives of our future children are of none of their concern. We opt to prepare for the birth of our children, as opposed to knowing that they were just the result of some unfortunate event that they just dealt with. We have decided to save more, to earn more and to enjoy our life together for a little while longer before
welcoming additional mouths to feed into the equation. How old we will be when we have them also fall into the category of nobody’s business but ours. So statements like “man, you guys are going to be too old to enjoy raising your kids” are not welcomed here. We opt to enjoy our 20s and 30s, as opposed to spend them changing diapers and shackled to our home for lack of a babysitter.

Children are a blessing, a gift from God. We plan to have them one day, on purpose, if God so chooses it to be the case. We plan to give our children a much better life than what we experienced. We will be in a position to afford the things they want and need. We will be mature and in a much better position to raise them when that day come. We are learning more and more, as a young couple, how to tell people, friends and family alike, to “back off!”

Share

There is a word that goes unspoken in this house. That word is …

Posted on by
1

Alex

You know what? I’m just going to say it. Like shit, divorce happens. I know this because I am a child of divorce. That doesn’t mean that I don’t know what it takes to make it to that golden anniversary.

If there is one thing I will never understand, it’s this: Why do people say to newlywed couples, “Just wait to your seven or ten years into your marriage, lets see how happy you are then?” What is the deal with that? Isn’t that kind of putting a whammy of
happiness?

Growing up, I was lucky enough to have a few amazing examples of successful marriages through aunts and uncles that showed me what a long-lasting, happy marriage looks like. I also had some examples of not-so-successful marriages. Who those examples were is unimportant. The bottom line is the reason some marriages end in divorce and why some marriages reach the golden anniversary comes down to three things: communication, fun and trust.

You should communicate your thoughts when issues arise instead of letting them fester inside you until you explode. Your ability to calmly articulate your feelings and find a common solution that helps both parties understand where the other is coming from will
come a lot quicker. Nine out of ten times you go to bed happy. Letting issues fester will only result in an explosive anger being directed at something minor, which then becomes major and, in turn, can ruin a once in a life time connection. Remember, communication will only strengthen your bond and will keep the water moving smoothly under the bridge without a thought ruffle of divorce.

Fun is easy to keep in a marriage, and with fun comes that newlywed feeling. I really hate when people say, “Oh, you’ve only been married for less than two years? You’re still newlyweds. No wonder you’re happy.” What the hell does that mean? If you’ve
been married for any length of time and you’re not happy, it’s because you’re not finding ways to keep the fun in your marriage. Don’t complain about it. Do something about it. Just don’t rain on a happy, young couple’s parade. Keep your bitterness to yourself because young, newlywed couples like us believe in the power of love.

As for trust, well, if I need to explain to you the importance of trust in a relationship, and how it is the foundation of any marriage, then you need to lay on a down on a couch so we can have a therapy session. Please contact me so I can help you with this issue right away. Bottom line is yes, divorce happens, but it only happens when you let it happen. So don’t let it.

Ahesha

There is a word that goes unspoken in this house. That word is “divorce”. As children of broken homes, Alex and I are 150% committed to doing everything we can do to reach that golden anniversary and beyond. I would say that our relationship is amazing 95%
of the time and requires compromise 5% of the time (there are no good or bad times). We have gone through many things together and are fine-tuning our unique way of handling family crisis. Whatever comes our way, we are determined to get through it together. With God’s help and our willing hearts, there isn’t anything that we don’t feel we can deal with together.

We understand firsthand how separation affects children. Although we have not met that crossroad, our thoughts are still the same. Whatever we need to do to make things work for our future children, we will do it…TOGETHER.

Share

Love and Business go together like Popeye and Spinach…

Posted on by
Reply

Ahesha

It is a blessing for Alex and I to share many passions. One of them is business. We are both passionate about our book and our home based business. I think that no matter what you do professionally, it is important to encourage and support your spouse. If, by
chance, you do happen to work and live together, balance is key. Squeeze in as much fun and spontaneity as possible, while still being productive. There should also be a non-compete agreement in there somewhere. Victories should be celebrated together. Trials and challenges should be overcome together as well.

Alex

If love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage, then love and business go together like Popeye and spinach, By that I mean, when you’re business partners with your significant other, in my experience, it can only strengthen your bound to eachother.

There is no mistaking it. Like an incorporated company, marriage is a business between two people that can either fail or succeed. It all depends on how the two board members work together and communicate with eachother. A successful marriage succeeds because of the ability to communicate with respect and because of the belief you have in eachother. It’s the same thing when it comes to being in business. You go into business with someone you can communicate with and with someone you believe in. Who would go into business with someone they don’t believe in? No one. Who would marry someone they don’t believe in? No one. In all walks of life, we all know that  teamwork makes the dream work, and that working together is the best recipe for success.

The great thing about being in business with your significant other is that it’s yours. You get to nurture it together from its infancy and with some hard work, watch it blossom into something that fulfills the dreams you have as a couple and as individuals. Every couple needs something that they can work on together to better their current or future family. Being in business with your significant other does just that.

Share

New adventures build great memories, beautiful moments and everlasting happiness.

Posted on by
Reply

Ahesha

I am so glad that my husband is far more spontaneous than I am. If it were left up to me, well…let’s just say I am not spontaneous. It is so easy to get consumed by, or preoccupied with, the day-to-day events and responsibilities. It helps when one person in the relationship keeps an eye out for opportunities to throw caution to the wind and break the monotony. The other individual must be willing to compromise and give in, when need be. I don’t think it works as well if both people are too spontaneous because other important things may be neglected. I think in all things, there should be balance.

Alex

Let’s be real, sometimes it hard to find time to do stuff. Usually, with everyone’s busy lives, fun has to be scheduled. That’s why I take advantage of every opportunity to kidnap Esha for a day. I suggest you do the same. I’m not suggesting that you kidnap MY wife for a day of fun, I saying kidnapping YOUR lover for a day of some spontaneous fun.

Our conversation usually goes like this: “Esh, do you have anything on your schedule tomorrow?” “If you are asking if I have something I need to do tomorrow, not specifically, but you know there always something to do. Why? What’s up?” “Cause I’m
kidnapping you tomorrow whether you like it or not.” “Oh, are you now?” “Yep.” “To where?” “I’m still figuring that part out.” “OK.” The next morning I throw her in the trunk and off we go, making sure to drive on a bumpy road. That was a joke. Or was it?

In a big city like ours there is always something fun to do. Sometimes even for free, and
free is everyone’s favorite price. One of the things we’re planning to do this upcoming Spring and Summer is visit all the museums and historical sites in town. Most of them are on the inexpensive end.

The cheaper the unplanned day-cation is the more fun it usually turns out to be. Plus, if the thing you chose to do on your day-cation does turn out to be a horrible time, at least you didn’t waste any money. Bottom line, you have to do spontaneous new adventures to keep your relationship fresh. New adventures build great memories, beautiful moments and everlasting happiness. And isn’t that what we are here to do, to be happy in our relationship?

Share

Life is too short to let past relationships cause problems in your current one.

Posted on by
Reply

Alex

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, we figured the perfect subject to talk about this week would be “meeting an ex”. A lot of men and woman have trouble with this task. I don’t know why. There are a lot worse things we have to deal with in life and in a relationship.

I don’t know off hand if I met any of Esh’s exes and truly, I don’t care. I’m not saying that to sound bad-ass either. I’m just confident in our relationship and myself. People that get upset when meeting an ex of their partner lack confidence in themself and in their relationship. Remember, they are called Exes for a reason.

When it comes to me and Esha, we haven’t had any arguments when talking about our past relationships. Probably because we both know that our exes helped make us who we are today, the person we love.

Life is too short to let past relationships cause problems in your current one. However, if you would like some advice on how to treat your lovers ex, treat them as they treat them. If they show them respect, then show them respect. If they loathe them, then
loathe away.

Ahesha

I believe that honesty is the best policy in every aspect of life, but especially in a relationship. When it comes to exes, this is no exception. Being honest and open in the beginning of a new relationship is the best way to avoid drama later. It is so important to clear up old issues in past relationships so that you can move forward.

If a relationship ended on bad terms, it must be dealt with in a healthy way that will not damage a new relationship. If a relationship ended on amicable terms, there should be no cause for drama. No matter what, honest in all regards is best.

Next to honesty, there must be compromise and understanding. I don’t think people in relationships should party or hang out with their exes unless children are involved and they are doing so for the children’s sake. This could leave the new partner in the relationship feeling very uncomfortable, hence the need to compromise. You can be cordial. If the need arises where you must interact with one another, so be it. Just remember to be respectful to the new love of your life, because, after all, that person is an ex for a reason.

Share

My two favorite words have become DATE NIGHT!!!!!

Posted on by
Reply

{EAV:fce1f000a07df033}

Alex

Let’s face it. Without having fun, life will basically suck. Fun and happiness help the married life go ‘round. It is important to find fun in the daily, day to day routines, but scheduled fun is always a lot more memorable. Let me just cut right to it. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married, you need to have Date Nights. Children or not, you have to figure out a way to make it happen. Whenever we have date night, I always try to find something new for us to do. It doesn’t always work out as planned, but it’s the effort that counts, well, sometimes. Either way, date night is very important because it builds memories and keeps your hearts close. Let’s not forget, though, that each person has his or her own idea of date night, so what may seem fun to one may not seem fun to another. But don’t be afraid to try something new. Explore life with the one you love. Isn’t that what date night is all about? Laughing, loving and enjoying life.

I don’t want you to think I forgot about being romantic on Date Night. Romance is extremely important in a loving relationship, and I’m not just talking men. You women also need to be romantic. Yes, I know sometimes we can be as dumb as an ox and can’t see your subtle signs. That’s not my point though. My point is… it’s more like a theory. My theory is if you need to be told or reminded to be romantic with the person you love on a date, then you’re not in love. Being romantic, on a daily basic to the one you love should go without me saying, “YO GUYS, not just on date night, but especially on date night, no matter what the event of the evening may be, every door should be opened and every chair should be pulled out.” If you need to be reminded of that then, “Forget about it”. You’re in trouble before Date Night even starts.

Ahesha

My two favorite words have become DATE NIGHT!!!!! As newlyweds, it is so very easy to get caught up in the day to day stuff waaaaaaay too soon. You will only be newlyweds for a short while, then MARRIED for all the days after. I don’t even know what the standard amount of “newlywed” time is. All I know is when you take time out for a date night, the newlywed phase lasts a lot longer. It is a great way to take your minds off of things that could pull you apart, such as work, etc. Those special times that you purposefully set aside for one another are so important. Dinner, a movie, a show, whatever makes you two happy. Just ENJOY!

Share

Interview…

Posted on by
Reply

Over the weekend we had the honor of being interviewed by Wendy McDonnell of Compassionate Solutions on her Family Matters Radio Program. Listen to our podcast interview and read her amazing blog based on our wedding experience. Her blog post is called ”Getting Married”.

http://compassionatesolutions.ca/show-86-getting-married/

 

 

Share

Don’t Let the Deejay Destroy Your Wedding

Posted on by
Reply

Alex

Other than saying, “I Don’t,” and Mother Nature, there is only one thing that can truly destroy a wedding – and that’s the deejay. There can be a flub in saying a word during the ceremony, which will make everyone laugh, and it will get chalked up to nerves. It could be a flavor or texture that some my not like about the food or dessert, while others may find it to be delicious. BUT, when the music is bad everyone knows it. And most of the time, it’s what they remember most about your reception. I will say this. We had an amazing deejay at our reception, who was also our Master of Ceremony. He was flawless. He hit everything right on the head when it came to playing the right song, and the right genre, at the right time. We had so much fun at our reception that people are still talking about it. Even at other weddings.

It is hard to find a great wedding deejay and usually you have to ask for referrals. But don’t settle. And once you find him or her, don’t be afraid to tell your deejay what to play, and when to play it. Remember it’s your day. Before the day starts, the Bride and Groom usually say to themselves that they just want everything to go right. If the music ain’t right, well, then, the reception ain’t right. And the reception is a major part of your wedding day. No matter the age of the guest, everyone can tell if you have a crappy deejay, and nobody wants that to be what people remember most about their wedding.

One more thing, TO ALL YOU WEDDING DEEJAYS READING THIS: NEVER, unless it’s during the garter time of the reception, PLAY A SONG TWICE. In some states you can get your deejay card revoked for doing that.

Ahesha

Wedding music is very important. It can make or break a ceremony, just as much as the food. It is imperative that couples shop around, get referrals and go with a company or deejay that feels right. Music is extremely important to both Alex and me, so we were blessed to find such an amazing deejay. People are still talking about how much fun they had at our wedding. Yeah, the music can definitely make or break it.

Share

Managing Individuality and Time Apart in a Marriage

Posted on by
Reply

Alex

We love traveling together and exploring places that we have yet to explore. Sometimes though, we must travel alone. Usually we’re only apart for a few days and nights. Truthfully, it has a bitter sweetness to it. No matter if it’s a business trip or a small get-a-way with some friends, if I learned anything so far, I learned that a few days away from each other is all you need to remind you of how much you are in love. Being apart isn’t what marriage is about. Marriage is about togetherness. Just because there may be a major distance between your feet, what truly matters is the distance between your hearts.

Ahesha

I think it is imperative for couples to have a life of their own, independent from one another. This was a must. It is also one of the many things I love about Alex. When we met, he had a number of things that he was into, and so did I. There were many commonalities, but we each had friends and interests that were different. It is funny because we really, truly get along and could spend a LOT of time together, without being bored or irritated by one another (at least not on my part, LOL). Yet, even still, we love to do things on our own. We give each other space and freedom to be ourselves and do things that make us individually happy, even if it is something the other doesn’t enjoy. We support each other, wholeheartedly in everything we do.

 

Share

Important Considerations if You’re Thinking Destination Wedding

Posted on by
Reply

Alex

To have a destination wedding or a local wedding, that was the question. For us, it wasn’t really up for debate. As much as we wanted to have an island wedding, our three most important guests, my father and our two grandmothers, would not have been able to come. They were in a wheelchair because of their lack of mobility and were unable to fly due to health reasons. So we tried to bring the island feeling to our wedding by choosing a beach theme. Don’t get me wrong, if they could have flown, we would have said our, “I Do’s” on an exotic beach somewhere in the Caribbean, but circumstances dictated otherwise.

As far as the rest of our guests, to be honest, as beautiful as they said our wedding was, the people who wanted to come to whatever island we would have chosen would have come no matter the cost, and as Esha loves to say, the people who wouldn’t have come could have “kicked rocks.” We’ve been to an island wedding before, and they are a lot of fun, but when you can’t go to the islands, you have to be determined to bring the island to the people that mean the most to you. I’m happy to report to you that we did it with flying colors.

Ahesha

I love the idea of destination weddings! If you can make it work, they are an excellent way to have your wedding be a much needed vacation for everyone in attendance. There are a few very important issues to consider:

1.    Can everyone you want to attend afford to go? If not, can you afford to pay for those who don’t personally have the money? While destination weddings can be extremely affordable for the bride and groom, others may not necessarily be able to drop a thousand dollars or so (or take the time necessary) to be a part of the celebration.

2.    Is everyone you want to come willing to travel to your location? If you have elderly family members, friends or relatives with children or anyone with a rigid work schedule, some of the people closest to you may not be able to travel to your destination wedding. You have to ask yourself if you are okay with not having them there.

3.    Some people also choose locations that they have always wanted to visit but have never been to. This can be understandably difficult because many details will be left in the hands of the hotel/resort staff. When going with someplace local, you can visit the location multiple times, map out everything and be sure you feel comfortable with everything. In a destination wedding, you are often limited to only having a few days or so before hand.

Overall, there are pros and cons to having a wedding away or close to home. Choose the best option for you and your future spouse.

Share